we are still waiting, still hesistating
by particularly good finder
Summary: "Sam was totally not a stalker. Not at all. He wasn't following Hummel to his locker, nor was he remembering it's number. And he most definitely wasn't watching the slender boy's ass as he strutted down the hallway. Sam Lennox was not gay."


**To all who might care: This is my last post. Ever. Ahaha I'm totally kidding. But this is my last post for a month, as I will be gone with limited Internet access. So…I hope this is a good last post! See everyone in a month!**

**Songs are **_**Falling Slowly **_**and **_**Any Dream Will Do**_**.**

i.

_I don't know you, but I want you_  
**All the more for that**

:-:

Sam was not a stalker. Not at all. He wasn't following Hummel to his locker, nor was he remembering it's number. And he most definitely wasn't watching the slender boy's ass as he strutted down the hallway.

He was totally _not_ a stalker.

"Are you lost?" A sharp voice broke through Sam's inner musings, startling him.

He shook his head vigorously. "Uh, no, no, not lost."

Hummel smirked. "Then why are you following me?"

Sam's face flushed. "I wasn't- I mean-!"

The smaller boy smirked again. "Maybe you should stalk someone who isn't paranoid, Lennox."

The taller boy bit his lip as Hummel turned away, walking back down the hallway. Sam had never met _anyone _like Kurt Hummel before, and decided he never would again.

As soon as the slender boy turned the corner, Sam started following him again.

Sam Lennox is not a stalker. At all. But he _was_ intrigued by Kurt Hummel.

And that was no crime in his book.

:-:

_Words fall through me and always fool me_  
**And I can't react**

:-:

Sam followed Hummel until the smaller boy ducked into the choir room, leaving Sam in the empty hallway. Sighing in defeat, the curly-haired boy walked to his locker, pulling out his iPod. Hanging the bulky headphones around his neck, he walked back the way he came and wondered how mad his sister would be for picking her up late again.

As he passed by the choir room, words floated to him on what he could describe as an angel's voice.

"_I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain__to see for certain what I thought I knew."_

Sam looked through the window into the room where Hummel sat at the piano, singing.

"_Far far away, someone was weeping__. __But the world was sleeping_."

The curly-haired boy pressed his back against the door, sliding down to sit on the ground, all thoughts of his sister blown from his mind. This boy's voice was _amazing_. Sam had never heard anything like it before. If he were not young and athletic, he would have assumed he was dying and the song was the voice of an angel to take him away.

"_Any dream will do_."

The voice stopped, but the piano continued, and Sam snapped out of his trance. Amanda was waiting for him, and how _gay_ was it for him to be stalking this kid?

Sam Lennox was many things, but a stalker was not one of them.

Gay wasn't one, either.

ii.

_And games that never amount to more than they're meant_  
**Will play themselves out**

:-:

"Happy Monday, fag!" Biguglyjock number one shouted, grabbing Kurt by the shoulders.

"Get your hands off of me, Azimio. This shirt is Marc Jacobs and _new_ and costs _much_ more than you'll make cleaning out my septic tank after graduation," Hummel snapped, and Sam couldn't help admiring his cheek.

"Aw, is the little fairy gonna get his tutu ruined? Cry, little fairy, cry," mocked biguglyjock number two. Hummel crossed his arms defensively.

"Watch it, Karofsky. I happen to know _explicit_ details of how exactly your mother likes it in bed, courtesy of Puck. Don't _make_ me tell you all the nasty, kinky details. Because, believe me, I've heard _all _of them."

Biguglyjock number two scowled, shoving Hummel. Sam felt the color drain from his face, and suddenly his legs were working on their own accord, moving him closer to Hummel.

"Shut _up_, faggot. It's time for your appointment with the dumpster."

Hummel paled. "Please, no. I really like this shirt."

The group of jocks just laughed, and moved in on him. Sam knew he was probably going to earn himself a lifetime of locker room pain, seeing as he recognized half of these guys as fellow football players, but he was no longer in control of his actions.

"Hey! Leave him alone!"

The group turned. "What, Lennox? You his _boyfriend_ now? I thought that job was reserved for Hudson."

Sam didn't like the sound of this Hudson kid (wasn't he the quarterback?) but ignored biguglyjock. "What'd he ever do to you? Why don't you throw that creepy Jacob kid in? He deserves it."

The group just laughed again. "Oh, he's already been met with a slushie this morning. We're saving the dumpster for lunch. Speaking of which," biguglyjock number one said, turning back to Hummel. "In you go!"

Three of the guys lifted Kurt up, and tossed him into the large bin of garbage and crap. Sam had only been at this school for two weeks, and he already knew that Hummel was subjected to this kind of torture at _least_ three times a week.

"Hey!" Sam shouted again as Hummel's head hit the side of the dumpster, making an unpleasant ringing sound. "Watch out! You could hurt him, you asswipe!"

One of the other biguglyjocks (he lost count) laughed. "Why don't you go in there to see if your boyfriend's okay, then?"

:-:

_Falling slowly, eyes that know me_  
**And I can't go back**

:-:

And suddenly Sam was flying. He landed on something soft and warm with an "Ooph!" The laughter of the biguglyjocks faded as they headed towards the school.

"If you don't mind…I can't really breath…You're heavy," Hummel said, and Sam jumped back, realizing he had landed on the small boy. "Thank you."

"Um, hi. I'm Sam," the curly-haired boy said, sticking out his hand. Kurt shook it, bemused.

"Yes, I know. You were the one stalking me yesterday."

Sam flushed. "I wasn't stalking you."

Kurt smirked. "Whatever you say, Sam Lennox." He crawled out of the dumpster brushing off his clothes. "And, thank you. For attempting to stand up for me. It was chivalrous, if not a bit stupid."

Amusement played in Hummel's very pretty blue-green eyes. Not that Sam noticed or anything.

"Ah, so you _like_ chivalry and stupidity, don't you?" Sam asked teasingly, not bothering to climb out of the dumpster. Kurt sighed.

"More than you know."

And then Kurt Hummel was gone, and Sam was left to sit in a dumpster, absolutely confused.

iii.

_You have suffered enough and warred with yourself_  
**It's time that you won**

:-:

Okay, so Sam Lennox was totally a stalker. And gay, apparently. Because Kurt Hummel haunted his dreams every night, and it drove Sam to the brink of insanity.

In the week following the "dumpster incident" Sam did his research. And not for his history report (shit, he still needed to work on that), but the type of research that qualified him as a grade-A _stalker_.

Sam was a jock, no doubt about it, but he wasn't stupid. Well, not _that_ stupid. Not like that Brittany chick. Sam could put two and two together, and after two days of pondering, he realized what Kurt's deal was. A little investigative research and a chat with one Rachel Berry (chick talked _way_ too much) and he came to a conclusion.

Kurt Hummel was, in fact, in love with his stepbrother-to-be, Finn Hudson.

So next time he talked with Hummel, he was quite blunt about it. He wanted answers, because he was just so _damn_ curious (and possibly a little infatuated with the pretty boy, but they'd cross that bridge when the time came).

"So, you and Hudson live together, right?" Sam had stopped by Hummel's locker, where the slender boy was freshening up his hair spray.

"Yes, we live together. No, I have not given him my 'gay' yet, as much as he acts like a little girl at times. No, I have not tried to rape him. No, we're not secret lovers, and for the record, it wouldn't be incestuous if we were. Any more questions?"

Sam decided just to go for it. "Are you in love with him?"

Hummel froze. "I'm sorry, but who do you think you are, asking me personal questions like that? I barely _know_ you, Lennox." He stormed away, slamming his locker shut.

"Wait, Kurt, I'm sorry!" Sam grabbed the boy's hand, making him freeze.

"Just go away, Sam."

"Look, I'm sorry, I was just curious. After those thugs said Hudson was your 'boyfriend' and you said you liked stupidity and then ran off…I just wanted to see if my reasoning was correct."

Kurt nodded, eyes misting over. "Look, I do, okay? Why do you care?"

Sam shrugged. "I guess you just looked like you needed someone to talk to?"

The smaller boy let out a small laugh. "There's nothing really to discuss. Finn knows. It freaks him out. We fought about it. But we've come to an…understanding." He let out a small sob. "It's just…hard. Falling out of love isn't easy, Sam. I don't ever recommend it. Now, if you'll excuse me. I have to get to glee practice."

Sam let go of Hummel's hand, watching sadly as he ran down the hallway, tears in his eyes.

Sam Lennox was a stalker. Sam Lennox was (probably) gay. But Sam Lennox was not brave enough to go through what Kurt Hummel had been through.

:-:

_Take this sinking boat and point it home_  
**We've still got time**

:-:

"Okay, everyone, I'd like to introduce the new members of New Directions!" Mr. Schuester said, waving his hands towards the small line of students. "This is Christa." A sweet-looking blonde girl in cowboy boots smiled. "Benny." A quiet boy in a fedora nodded. "And Sam." The curly-haired boy raised his hand in a half-wave, meeting Hummel's eyes.

"These guys are really talented, so our chances at Regionals are even _better_ this year!" Mr. Schue clapped his hands together excitedly, grinning. "Okay, um, everybody pair up, we'll have a group of three…Oh, and newbies should pick an older member. To, you know, make new friends and such."

The group all paired up; that Brittany chick her hot Cheerio friend, the blonde chick and Puckerman, Rutherford and Chang, wheel-chair kid and Tina (he'd befriended her in math class), Hudson and Rachel Berry.

Sam watched as Hummel made to sit by his friend (Mercedes was her name, right?), but Benny beat him to her, smiling charmingly at the girl. She blushed a little and accepted, leaving Hummel partner-less.

"Hey, Kurt," Sam said, sitting next to the slender boy.

"Oh, I see you've stalked me all the way to glee club now. It's getting a little creepy, Lennox."

There was no smirk in Hummel's voice today, and Sam looked at his feet. "I'm not stalking you. And I really am sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to upset you like that."

Kurt scowled a bit. "Whatever. Just don't bring it up again."

Mr. Schue said something about Christa joining in with Finn and Rachel, but Sam wasn't paying attention.

"Okay." He paused, scuffing his toe on the floor. "So, what are we doing? Singing?"

Hummel rolled his eyes. "No. We don't _sing_ in glee club."

Sam huffed. "Look, I already apologized. No need to be a bitch."

The smaller boy frowned. "If you have a problem with my attitude, I'm sure Puck will switch partners with you."

"I don't have a problem with your attitude. But you could at _least_ try to be nice to me."

"And why in the world would I do that, stalker?"

"I'm not stalking you!" The class grew quiet, all staring at Sam in disbelief.

Hummel rolled his eyes. "Way to go, Lennox."

"Oh, shut up! At least I'm attempting to be civil towards you! I even defended you when those jocks threw you into the dumpster!"

Kurt stood up, fists clenched. "Yeah, and then you go and _creepily_ dig up my past! I didn't need that kind of reminder, Sam. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Sam stood too, throwing his hands into the air. "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have brought it up! Can't you see I'm sorry?"

"No, you shouldn't have brought it up. You shouldn't have even wondered about it. Why did you even care?"

"Because you're the most unique person I've ever met! I'm sorry if my curiosity got the better of me!"

"Oh, is unique a euphemism for 'fag' now?"

"NO!" Sam yelled, causing Tina to jump back a couple of feet and Mike to squeak in fright. "You're special, Kurt! At my old school, we had Hudsons and Puckermans out the wazoo! We had Brittanys and Christas and even some Tinas! But there were no Kurt Hummels. You're one of a kind!"

Kurt pouted. "Oh, so I'm a freak now? Researching me for your paper on the history of _freaks_?"

Sam stomped his foot. "NO! That was a compliment!"

Hummel blushed, slightly less angry. "Oh." Then he ran from the room, leaving everyone to chatter away about what had just happened.

"You gay, man?" Puckerman asked, brow raised.

"No," Sam shot out quickly, sitting back down.

"Noah, be nice," Blonde Chick said, sitting next to Sam. "You know, it's okay if you're gay. Kurt is a great guy."

"I'm not gay, okay? He just fascinates me." Blonde Chick gave him a funny look. "What? You've never wanted to befriend someone because they seemed cool?"

"I guess…" she trailed off, meeting someone's eyes over Sam's head, shrugging and making the 'call me later' sign.

Sam turned around to see a glaring Mercedes. For a second he thought he was going to receive a verbal lashing, but she just turned back to Benny, texting (Kurt, he supposed).

"You think I'm unique, don't you?" He overheard Rachel asking, a couple seats away.

"Uh, yeah," Hudson's reply came. Sam looked over, watching as Finn's eyes kept traveling to Rachel, then Christa, then the door Kurt just ran out of. The poor guy looked so absolutely confused.

Mr. Schue seemed to have given up trying to control the club, letting them talk and run wild. Sam stirred from his thoughts as Tina took Blonde Chick's place, smiling.

"Are you okay?" She asked, tugging on one of her arm-warmers. Sam nodded.

"Yeah. I feel kind of bad about upsetting Hummel, though."

She sighed. "Well, what did you even do? He shouted something about his past?"

Sam groaned, deciding that if he _had_ to tell someone, Tina seemed like a good choice. "I…uh, I asked him if he was in love with Hudson."

Her sharp intake of breath made Sam wince. "You didn't."

"I was curious!" She shook her head, patting his back.

"That topic is suicide. I suggest _never_ bringing it up again if you like being alive."

The curly-haired boy sighed. "I kind of figured."

"So, you _really_ like Kurt, don't you?"

"He's…special."

Tina nodded. "He is. Especially to us. So while I'm not quite sure of your intentions with him, friendship or a relationship or what, please, just, don't hurt him, okay? He's been through a lot, more than most of us, save for maybe Quinn and Artie."

"Do you think he'll forgive me?"

The goth girl bit her lip. "Well, maybe if you show him you're _really_ sorry. I mean, that's what Finn had to do." Sam quirked his eyebrow. "Oh, that's a great story. In short, Finn insulted Kurt's sexuality and ended up coming to school in a Lady Gaga dress to make it up to him."

Sam paled. Great. He was trying to keep his _own_ sexuality under wraps, and now he had to wear a dress?

Tina seemed to read the boy's mind. "Of course, that was when we were _all_ in Lady Gaga dresses. Maybe you could sing to him?"

iv.

_Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice_  
**You've made it now**

:-:

"So, um, welcome to the Hummel-Hudson house," Finn said awkwardly. Sam shifted uneasily. The two jocks were partners for Mr. Schue's Spanish project, and since Amanda was having friends over, they decided Finn's house was the best place to do it.

"Where should we set up?" Sam asked, looking around the neat house. It smelled like cheap beer and vanilla air freshener and looked like a backwoods hick and a fashion designer got into a bitch-fight.

"Um, the basement." Sam gave him a funny look. "It's where Kurt and I sleep."

"Oh, okay." They headed down the stairs in silence, sitting on the floor with their textbooks out.

"I don't get this…" Hudson muttered, flipping a page.

Sam saw where he was looking, and happily pointed out the trick to conjugating the past tense.

Finn's eyes lit up. "Oh! Sweet, I get it! Gracias, man." A light rumbling noise filled the room. "Uhh, _tengo hambre_."

Sam nodded. "_Tengo sed. Agua, por favor?_"

The taller boy nodded, frowning a bit. "Uh, sure. Water, right? Cool, I'll be right back."

Sam leaned back against the foot of Finn's bed, sighing. It had been almost a week since the incident with Kurt in glee club, and they hadn't spoken since. Sam felt horrible about it, but his apology song wasn't ready yet, and his confusion about his own sexuality was overwhelming.

"Oh, my Gaga. You're kidding me. You _are_ stalking me." Sam looked up to see Kurt halfway down the stairs, water bottle in hand.

Sam chuckled. "I swear, I'm not. Finn and I are Spanish partners."

Kurt nodded, face tinged red, and walked down the rest of the stairs slowly.

The curly-haired boy cleared his throat awkwardly. "So, um, how are you?"

Kurt paused at the bottom of the stairs, taking a swig of his water. "I'm fine."

Sam swallowed audibly. "Oh, great. Um, cool."

The slender boy walked over and sat on Finn's bed, crossing his legs. "Look about Monday… I'm sorry I ran out. You were trying to apologize, and while I'm not quite ready to forgive you, that was very rude of me."

"No, no, I get it. I really am sorry about bringing up your past with Finn. Once I start thinking about something, I have to know the answer. My sister has to find a new hiding spot for her diary every week." They both laughed at that.

Kurt smiled slightly. "Well, thank you. You're not _quite _off the hook, but you didn't know." Sam smiled. "Do you really think I'm unique?"

"Incredibly." Kurt blushed, making him look so young and innocent. "Sorry for being creepy about it. Amanda says I'm like Sherlock Holmes or something – too much fascination, not enough boundaries."

The slender boy laughed again, eyes on the ground. "You make it sound like I'm a rare animal breed."

"Well, in a way, you are. You're bold and bitchy and brave. I could never be as brave as you."

Kurt's smile turned sad. "Well, you don't need to be."

Sam looked down. "Actually. I think I do."

:-:

_Falling slowly, sing your melody_  
**I'll sing along**

:-:

"What?" Kurt looked puzzled.

"I think I _do_ need to be as brave as you. But I can't."

"Why?"

Sam took a deep breath. "I…I think I might be gay."

"Oh." There was a pause. "Is that why you kept stalking me?

He nodded. "It's just… you're so 'out and proud' and it's… encouraging. Sure, I knew gay kids back home, but they didn't have your confidence. And they didn't face the same ridicule as you."

Kurt slid off the bed to sit next to Sam on the floor. "Lennox, if I can do it, anyone can."

Sam shook his head. "No, they can't. It'll be hard. I don't even want to know my family's reaction. And those kids at school? I'll be tortured in the locker room, on the field…"

The slender boy slipped his hand into Sam's, smiling encouragingly. "Sam. Calm down. You have the right to love whoever you want. If those jocks can't accept it, then _screw them_. They don't matter. And if your parents don't react well, our couch is always open to you. And it doesn't have to happen tomorrow. Take this slowly, and everything will be okay."

Sam grinned weakly. "You really know what to say, don't you?"

Kurt laughed. "I'm Kurt Hummel; I know everything."

"You do…" Sam murmured, rubbing his thumb across the back of the smaller boy's hand. Moving slowly, he leaned in towards Kurt, pecking him softly on the lips. "Thank you."

Kurt flushed again, losing his composure. "A-a-anytime."

"Oookay. I'll just be upstairs, then," Finn's voice said from the stairs.

Kurt and Sam whipped around towards him. "Don't tell anyone!" They shouted in unison.

Finn nodded slowly, backing up the stairs. "Um…Sam?" He asked before he reached the top.

"Yeah?" Sam answered, voice cracking a little.

"Um…remember. I'm his brother now, so I have the right to kill you if you hurt him, okay? Um, and I guess we can finish Spanish later. Mom called and said she's bringing home pizza soon, so don't get carried away!"

"Tell her I want veggies!" Kurt shouted, then turned to Sam. "You want to stay for dinner?"

"Um, sure. Veggie is good with me, too." Finn nodded and left the basement, face incredibly red.

"So…Finn can keep a secret, right?" Sam asked, eyes wide.

Kurt nodded slowly. "I think so. And he knows I'll destroy his video games if he doesn't."

"So, where were we?" Sam asked, lips brushing Kurt's temple.

"Hmm, I don't remember. Why don't you remind me?"

"My pleasure, Mr. Hummel."


End file.
